THE COFFEE TASTES LIKE LIQUID CARDBOARD but it's free, so I take another sip. I'm sitting in the back row of yet another arbitration conference. The famous white man has taken the stage. Third conference this month. Same PowerPoint, same jokes about “navigating international waters” – a metaphor he loves to overuse. It always sounds funny in his accent though. I laugh.
He's promoting his new book. The one with the generic title about arbitration and global practice. Same one whose cover probably cost more to design than how much most of us make in a month.
I look around. Lots of lawyers in sharp suits. All of us pretending this is groundbreaking stuff. One half networking. The other half on their phones. After all, there’s a long time before India becomes the new global hub for arbitration.
The conference bag sits beside me. A cheap tote with the sponsor's logo - some arbitration institute I've never heard of but apparently desperately needed to exist. Inside: a thick dry pen that doesn't work, a notebook I'm using to write this piece on – with the Oberoi pencil, and a pamphlet for another conference – next month.
The arbitration industrial complex is alive and thriving.
The conference bag sits beside me. A cheap tote with the sponsor's logo - some arbitration institute I've never heard of but apparently desperately needed to exist.
"Arbitration is the future,” the retired judge (HMJ) declares. The future, apparently, involves a lot of expensive conferences in five-star hotels where we discuss how arbitration is more efficient than litigation.
The panellists are the usual suspects - the academic who's never practiced, the practitioner who's never written anything academic, and the arbitrator who's somehow both while being neither. They agree on everything while pretending to have different perspectives. It's like watching a very expensive, very boring kabuki in kimono. Go figure!
My notes from the morning session read: Efficiency. Innovation. Global reach. Paradigm shift. Best practices. Basic arbitration lingo. If someone mentions thinking “outside the box”, I’ll do a cartwheel right here! No I won’t.
Say what you will, there’s definitely a charm to arbitration. It feels exclusive and sophisticated. International. Even if domestic. There's a new arbitration centre opening every month. Every city wants its own arbitration institute. Every law firm wants an “arbitration practice”. Mine does too!
The woman next to me is taking notes furiously. She looks fresh out of law school, all earnest ambition and color-coded highlighting. I want to tell her that half these “thought leaders” on stage have never actually conducted an arbitration that wasn't a training exercise. But she'll figure that out in a few years. Or she'll become one of them. Either way, not my problem!
“The next speaker needs no introduction,” announces the moderator, who then proceeds to give a five-minute introduction anyway. It's always the speakers who most need introductions. The actual practitioners are probably at home, actually arbitrating. I wouldn’t know. I am no legend.
My phone buzzes. A WhatsApp from a colleague: “Stuck in another HAW session. Kill me now.” At least I'm not alone in my suffering – or my hypocrisy. No one forced us to be here BTW!
The new speaker - a senior partner from some Magic Circle firm - is explaining how arbitration is "democratizing justice globally." Democratization comes at premium pricing.
The lunch break arrives like divine intervention. I step out to the lobby - all marble and crystal, designed to impress clients who'll never actually visit. The networking begins immediately. Business cards fly around like confetti. LinkedIn requests multiply. Everyone's an “arbitration specialist” now.
“Fascinating session,” lies a partner from a mid-tier firm to another partner from a different mid-tier firm. They're both networking upwards, hoping someone from the big leagues overhears. The arbitration food chain in action.
The young partner from the risk management firm sharing insights on his latest investigation with the tier-1 partner. It’s controversial and top secret he says – but he cracked it! Another card.
A young associate approaches me. “Wasn't that keynote incredible?” she gushes. Honestly it wasn’t. I nod politely. She's networking, and I respect the hustle. We all started here.
The exhibition area is a monument to professional optimism. Software companies promising AI will revolutionize case management. Consultants offering to train your team in “cutting-edge arbitration techniques”. The arbitration economy is nothing if not self-sustaining.
Books you ask ! Well no one reads books anymore. Plenty of pamphlets though! Best one still by that one law firm distinguished in academic research. They still have morning research assemblies I hear.
The final session is about building the next generation of arbitration professionals. It may involve more conferences, more networking, and more specialized credentials – all absolutely necessary.
Back in the conference room, we're treated to a panel on “Emerging Trends in Arbitration.” The trends, it turns out, are remarkably similar to last year's emerging trends, and the year before that. Virtual hearings are still “game-changing” despite being forced on us by a pandemic three years ago. Expedited arbitration is still “innovative” despite being around since I was in law school. The future of arbitration, apparently, is very much like the present, just with more conferences to discuss it.
The afternoon keynote promises to reveal “The Secret to Successful Arbitration Practice.” Spoiler alert: it involves doing good work for reasonable fees and not overcomplicating things.
I move to the first row for this one. A potential client has taken the dais. He should be able to see me. Maybe this time I will also ask a question about Section 29A. I prepare for the next 45 minutes – only to have another take my shot. Ugh! Next time.
Let’s face it. I am here for similar pitiable reasons. I also like how the halls of Oberoi smell. Remember that T-3 feeling!
I am now making a master plan to try and get myself on stage next year – not as a moderator. I will be right there at the centre – next to the international practitioner. My curls gleaming under the fancy yellow lights. I will be talking about the future of arbitration – with nuance obviously! Maybe I will say something new – raise controversial questions – speak about integrity. I will be different.
The final session is about building the next generation of arbitration professionals. It may involve more conferences, more networking, and more specialized credentials – all absolutely necessary. Our primary skill is perpetuating our own necessity. Who else will though, if we don’t? It’s a competitive market.
The conference winds down finally. Ting ting ting go the I-phones. Everyone promises to “stay in touch”, “collaborate soon” and “explore synergies”.
The organizers announce next year's conference. Bigger venue, more speakers, expanded program – I am not on the list – not yet! I am off now – to the other conference. The Uber driver asks what I do for a living. “Arbitration,” I say. He nods. He has no idea what that means. Neither, do I honestly.
Heavy Arbitration Week indeed!