BECOMING a senior advocate is the ultimate destination for most of us in litigation, but why delay greatness? I believe that my first-year brilliance warrants an instant elevation to the ranks of the revered senior counsels of the country and I am here to make my submissions for the same.
Voracious reader— digitised to boot
In law school, I read every single word in every single textbook, footnotes and all. I even understand most of them. While years of learning and experience are invaluable, I have maximised efficiency by glancing through almost all Bare Acts. After all, isn’t brevity the soul of wit? And isn’t wit a sought-after quality in a senior advocate?
The PDFs, obviously, are the modern lawyer's best friend! Who needs the clutter of printed Bare Acts when technology offers us the sleek allure of Ctrl+F? Save paper, save the environment, as they say. Sure, rare earth materials might be crying out for better use, but what is a little energy drain when the law itself can be as portable as my latte? It is all about keeping justice— and my laptop— fully charged.
Who knows, perhaps the never-ending input of power keeps the text of the law young and vibrant. In any case, since digitisation of the judiciary is the flavour of the season, I am not one to argue against it.
Like all good seniors, I know how to swim with the tide. That is energy-efficient, ain’t it? Plus, I even know the full form of PDF is ‘portable document format’ and did not totally just google it. This surely qualifies me to guide courts, does it not?
Latine loquor copiose. Quid de te?
If you are as curious as the cats that appear in some of the older court buildings in our country, you might have wondered, “Why do senior advocates always sound so refined?”
It is all about vocabulary. I can confidently say “cajole”, “quandary”, and “extricate” in one sentence, maybe even twice for effect. Besides, adding “My Learned Friend” before anyone’s name makes the room hum with respect. And Latin? Cui bono, sine qua non, mens rea, the necessary words have been memorised and ready to be fired from the Bofors gun that is my mouth at a moment’s notice.
Social contract theory
Does it even matter that my cases are just starting out? Is not seniority a state of mind? At social gatherings, I already introduce myself as “counsel”, and hint that I might take on pro bono work someday. In fact, I am prepared to act as amicus for all events, as long as the title “senior” is applied generously.
And, as you can see, I have already started using only half-terms such as amicus like a pro-senior.
Letting the pot of justice simmer
Senior advocates possess a remarkable ability to articulate arguments with such depth and eloquence that even a simple “yes” is enriched by a series of thoughtful, honorable expressions. The minute you see a senior appearing in a case before yours, you know your matter will be taken up at least two days after eternity. If the senior has gray hair, it could even take the time it takes to commute between Delhi and Gurgaon on a weekday.
As a junior, I have a natural inclination toward elaboration (which can be confirmed with my boss), and would it not be best if I refined this skill under the esteemed title of ‘senior advocate’? I, too, aspire to transform the simplest point into one of gravity and importance, adding value to every minute of the court’s time.
What is more, unlike most junior lawyers, I understand that this long-winded erudition and prolonged argumentation is not just for appearances. It is the very core of our justice system. You see, the intricate dance of justice requires depth and deliberation in every hearing, ensuring that each case receives the attention it truly deserves. After all, isn’t justice best served when we ensure every case takes its sweet time to marinate thoroughly, from bail pleas to family feuds?
How can a counsel plead, “My client has been in prison without a trial for four years” if cases are heard expeditiously by the court? And if the counsel does not make this argument, how can their client be even eligible for bail?
Similarly, how can fighting spouses or siblings have the time to bury the hatchet and solve their disputes amicably if the venerable senior advocates do not prevent the court from hearing their case hastily by drawing out their arguments?
So, yes, like all good seniors, I am ready and able to filibuster valiantly in courts of law for better administration of justice.
Pitch-perfect emoting
Who understands challenging clients better than someone who has the potential to be one? I possess that fire, the ability to sigh dramatically and tut-tut the inefficiency of “junior” counsel. I have the remarkable ability to rely for everything on juniors while constantly complaining that the bar at the Bar is being lowered.
It is time I honour myself with the esteemed title of senior so that the Bar, the Bench, and the courtroom can witness the spectacle of my “first-year seniority”.
Worth the weight in gold
As a senior, my objections would carry the weight of a thousand textbooks and sound like poetry. Letting a first-year claim that power early on would serve the public interest in teaching fellow counsels and our esteemed judges even more restraint and patience.
Imagine the growth potential, not for me, but for the court. Think of the impact! Not only would it sharpen the ears of all around, but it would also establish my legacy in ‘colourful courtroom exchanges’. Think of the contribution I would make towards enhancing the ‘humour in court’ section of the Delhi High Court website.
Inspiration for a generation
Senior advocates are not just leaders; they are mentors. I am ready to take on this role. I may not be offering case law tips just yet, but I am fully qualified to advise juniors on courtroom flair, robe-twirling techniques, and the art of looking thoughtful while reading anything. My juniors would certainly find inspiration in my nodding and eye contact skills.
While we are at it, let us also address the voluminous remuneration of senior advocates, a heavy burden I am more than prepared to undertake. The hefty fees are, of course, a reflection of the counsel’s wisdom, experience and the unparalleled gravitas they bring to each case.
Now, while my experience may technically be a mere one year, my potential to carry the weight of those fees is enormous. Clients could find comfort in the knowledge that they are investing in the vision of future legal greatness.
Law and lawns
A senior advocate’s work is not complete without a residence that reflects the stature of the role, and I am ready for this big responsibility. I have my eye on Golf Links, where I would uphold the fine tradition of hosting strategic ‘working lunches’ and engaging in intellectually stimulating discussions with my peers.
The location will, of course, facilitate my swift commute to court— after all, as a first-year senior, I will need every minute to prepare for my groundbreaking arguments. And, of course, if anyone is inspired to sponsor this, I would happily offer a modest discount on my senior fees in gratitude.
Prayer
Let us face it: the courtroom could use a little sparkle. A senior advocate with first-year enthusiasm could be the perfect addition. In this role, I would deliver arguments with pizzazz, keep the Bench on its toes, and breathe new life into the seemingly endless march of hearings. Why wait to let me become a star?
So, honorable members of the Bar and Bench, I implore you: confer upon me the senior status I so richly deserve. And just think— after I am made senior, I will still have years to make everyone’s lives interesting in chambers.
